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Quodlibet

quod·li·bet \Quod"li*bet\ (kw[o^]d"l[i^]*b[e^]t), n. [L., what you please.] 1. A nice point; a subtilty; a debatable point. Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) Also quodlibertarian and quodlibetic - purely academic!

English Spelling? Does English really work this way?

* Pronounce "ghoti".
* Pronounce "Phtholognyrrh".
* Spell "coffee" completely wrong.
Go to the bottom of the page for answers!

Sunday, March 1, 2020

The Chaos by Gerard Nolst Trenité


Gerard Nolst Trenité - The Chaos (1922)

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
   I will teach you in my verse
   Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
   Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
   Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
   Just compare heart, hear and heard,
   Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it's written).
   Made has not the sound of bade,
   Say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
   But be careful how you speak,
   Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
   Woven, oven, how and low,
   Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
   Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
   Missiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
   Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
   Solar, mica, war and far.

From "desire": desirable-admirable from "admire",
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
   Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,
   Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
   Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
   Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
   This phonetic labyrinth
   Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured
To pronounce revered and severed,
   Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
   Peter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
   Blood and flood are not like food,
   Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
   Discount, viscount, load and broad,
   Toward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
   Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
   Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your r correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
   Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
   Buoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition;
   Would it tally with my rhyme
   If I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
   Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
   Rabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
   You'll envelop lists, I hope,
   In a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You'll have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
   To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
   Does not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
   We say hallowed, but allowed,
   People, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover.
   Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
   Chalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
   Petal, penal, and canal,
   Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
   But it is not hard to tell
   Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
   Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
   Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the a of drachm and hammer.
   Pussy, hussy and possess,
   Desert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
   Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
   Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

"Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker",
Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor",
   Making, it is sad but true,
   In bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
   Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
   Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
   Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
   Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
   Mind! Meandering but mean,
   Valentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
   Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
   Tier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
   Prison, bison, treasure trove,
   Treason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.
   Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
   Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don't be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
   Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
   Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
   Evil, devil, mezzotint,
   Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don't mention,
   Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
   Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
   Funny rhymes to unicorn,
   Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.
   No. Yet Froude compared with proud
   Is no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
   Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
   Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
   But you're not supposed to say
   Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
   How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
   When for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
   Episodes, antipodes,
   Acquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don't monkey with the geyser,
Don't peel 'taters with my razor,
   Rather say in accents pure:
   Nature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
   Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
   Wan, sedan and artisan.

The th will surely trouble you
More than r, ch or w.
   Say then these phonetic gems:
   Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget 'em-
   Wait! I've got it: Anthony,
   Lighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
   With and forthwith, one has voice,
   One has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
   Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
   Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
   Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
   Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
   Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
   Puisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,
   Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
   Put, nut, granite, and unite.

Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
   Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
   Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
   Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
   Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it
   Bona fide, alibi
   Gyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
   Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
   Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
   Rally with ally; yea, ye,
   Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
   Never guess-it is not safe,
   We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
   Face, but preface, then grimace,
   Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
   Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
   Do not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the o of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
   With the sound of saw and sauce;
   Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
   Respite, spite, consent, resent.
   Liable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
   Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
   Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
   G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
   I of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
   Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
   Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
   Won't it make you lose your wits
   Writing groats and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
   Islington, and Isle of Wight,
   Housewife, verdict and indict.

Don't you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
   Finally, which rhymes with enough,
   Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??


Hiccough has the sound of sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!

Saturday, November 10, 2018

For a List of Rhode Island Use of English

Quahog.org Guide to Rhode Island Language Stuff

 For Example:

Jeet? Have you eaten yet? The appropriate response (assuming you haven't eaten) is "No, joo?"

Jimmies A liberal sprinkling of these can brighten up a dull, dreary ice cream cone. We hear they're also called Ants in the Woonsocket area. Funny thing is, you'd be hard pressed to find "jimmies" in the baking section of a Rhode Island grocery store, where they are invariably called "sprinkles." In recent years the term "jimmies" has come under scrutiny as possibly having a racist origin. Snopes ranks this claim as "probably false."

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Grawlix, &$(#*&@!

A good use for some Dingbats! Grawlix was coined by Mort Walker. He also came up with words for various imaging elements in cartooning as presented in his book of 1980, The Lexicon of Comicana. Words like Plewds 'Flying sweat droplets that appear around a character's head when working hard or stressed.' or Agitrons 'Wiggly lines around an object that is shaking.' More at the Wikipedia link.

Nice to know there is a jargon for such stuff!

Don

Friday, October 24, 2008

New Janus Word - Barrack

A new Janus Word to add to my list.

barrack

PRONUNCIATION:
(BAR-uhk, the first syllable is the same as in barrel)
MEANING:
verb tr., intr.: 1. To shout in support: to cheer. 2. To shout against: to jeer.
(A.Word.A.Day for 10/24/2008)

Don

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sam Gamgee's poem to the Troll.

Troll sat alone on his seat of stone,
And munched and mumbled a bare old bone;
For many a year he had gnawed it near,
For meat was hard to come by.
Done by! Gum by!
In a cave in the hills he dwelt alone,
And meat was hard to come by.
As a Senior in High School I memorized this poem. It is still one of my favorites. There is a full transcription of the poem by J.R.R Tolkien, with comments, at Troll sat alone on his seat of stone.

I can still recite large parts of it.

Don

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wordie [wûrd • ē]

A new On-line center for words: Wordie [wûrd • ē]. Like Flickr, but without the photos.

Wordie lets you make lists of words and phrases. Words you love, words you hate, words on a given topic, whatever. Lists are visible to everyone but can be added to by just you, a group of friends, or anyone, as you wish.

If you're feeling social, join the discussion. Wordies are friendly! Add citations and comments to words and lists. See who else has listed the same words. Check out a random word.

Subscribe to Errata, the Wordie blog via RSS or Twitter for announcements and the latest lexicographical dish. Suggestions? Chime in on features or bugs. Create your free account to get started.


Sounds like my kind of place. Maybe I'll 'see' you there!

Don

Monday, July 7, 2008

Mondegreen

A new word in the updated Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Mondegreen is a fun word to know about. 

Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy, too. Wouldn't you?
...[From] part of a popular nonsense song of 1943 called "Mairzy Doats"--per ASCAP Hit Tunes booklet, written by Milton Drake, Al Hoffman,and Jerry Livingston. The beginning is more or less rendered:
Mairzy doats and doazy doats, and little lamzi tivy. A kiddely tivy too, Wood'n you?
Is a prime example, though nonsense. The term Mondegreen comes from Percy's Reliques:
Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl Amurray, [sic]
And Lady Mondegreen.
Where the final line is actually "And laid him on the green."

I always thought a line from an old tune was "Just for your coveted sequence." when it is actually "Just for you, covered in sequins."

Don

Monday, April 14, 2008

How come a Slug can't Slug?








From One Big Happy by Rick Detorie. And I think Ruthie has a point! A Bear can bear anything, but staying up all Winter. What other Animals and what they can and can't do might we come up with?

This language is messed up. But that is why I have this Blog!

Don

Thursday, February 21, 2008

G'day Mate, from the Dag!

A Kiwi friend turned me on today to a listing of New Zealand Kiwi Slang
.
Some of it seems quite normal, to me, or to be typical Brit Slang, as in the use of bonnet and boot for Car hood and trunk. Some we Americans would consider not for polite speech ,as with the use of the sh_t and f___ word.

All in all some interesting stuff. Finally found where the Crossword puzzle answer Ute for Utility Vehicle comes from.

Well, Cheerio, for now!

Don

p.s. dag: humorous person, joker, comedian, hard case (hard case: joker, comedian, witty person)!

Friday, December 7, 2007

The Apostrophe Protection Society

Unsure of when and where to use an Apostrophe (Not when pluralizing words) in English, check out the Apostrophe Protection Society for all your apostrophizing needs!

Don

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Wordlustitude - a Blog by Mark Peters

One of the most recently published (a year late, another story) issues of Verbatim, Vol. XXI, No 1, Spring 2006 Introduced me to Mark Peters and his Wordlustitude Blog which has many Word links, including links to aricles he has written for various publications and Posts of various coined/nonce words.

For instance:

    hobbitcest

    noun. What happens when there are two consenting hobbits and no limits.

    Real citation: “Interests: 32: aft, afting, ass full throttle, bath tubs, berries n' cream, butterflies, candles, crying, hard thrusting!, hobbit sex, hobbitcest..."
    (http://sweet-pip.livejournal.com/profile)

    Made-up citation: "If I'm elected, I will oppose all forms of filth and perversion, including hobbitcest and men who don't wash their hands after peeing."


Well worth checking out,
Don

Monday, July 30, 2007

AskOxford: Words

Curtesy of this week's (07/29/07) New York Times Magazine in an Arcticle by Erin McKeon, Corpus, I have discovered a new Word page. It is at AskOxford.com and is a delightful page of links to all kinds of answers to English Language Word Questions such as:

What comes after once, twice, thrice?

The answer, it turns out, is 'Nothing'.

There are many more such tidbits.

Erin McKeon's article on the Oxford English Corpus and its uses is also well worth reading.

Erin is the Editor of Verbatim® Magazine.

Don

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Samples of Wicked Words from the Wickedary

by Mary Daly with Jane Caputi.

  • ACADEMENTIA n: normal state of persons
    in academia, marked by varying and progressive
    degrees; irreversible deterioration of faculties
    of intellectuals
  • BATTLE-AX, n: a Raging, Dreadless, Unconquerable
    Crone BORED, CHAIRMAN OF THE n: any bore-ocratically
    appointed bore who occupies a chair--a position
    which enables him to bore others all the
    more
  • CAT/EGORICAL IMPERATIVE n: the Call of
    the Wild; the Summons of the Weird, conveyed
    through the Mediumship of a Feline Familiar
  • COCKALORUM n: a self-important little
    cock. Examples: Napoleon, Andy Warhol, Fiorello
    La Guardia, Mickey Mouse
  • COCK-AND-BULL STORY n: patriarchal history
  • CRONE n: Great Hag of History, long-lasting
    one; Survivor of the perpetual witchcraze
    of patriarchy
  • CRONE-OLOGY n: Radical Feminist chronology
  • HAG n: a Witch, Fury, Harpy who haunts
    the Hedges/Boundaries of partiarchy, frightening
    fools and summoning Weird Wandering women
    into the Wild
  • POSITIVELY REVOLTING HAG: a stunning,
    beauteous Crone; one who inspires positive
    revulsion from phallic institutions and
    morality, inciting Others to Acts of Pure
    Lust

Monday, March 26, 2007

English words with Vowels in Alphabetical order:

Abstemiously and arsenious are two well known words with the vowels in proper order. There is also facetiously.
Now Saul Ricklin has come across the somewhat obsolete word, "affectiously" which also has the vowels in order. One in reverse is syrup of ipecac.
affectiously = AFFECTIONATELY, AFFECTUOUSLY; earnestly, cordially, kindly.
1430 LYDG., Chron. Troy III. xxii, Theyr gladnesse when he hath perceyued Spake vnto theim full affectiously. 1755 JOHNSON, Affectiously, in an affecting manner. Dict.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Old Rhymes:

Does anyone know any more of these from long ago?
  • One series:
    • Knife and a fork, bottle and a cork. That's the way you spell New York
    • Chick in a car, and the car can't go. That's the way you spell Chicago
  • Some old Lewis Carol:
    • T'was midnight on the ocean and the sun was shining bright. I hopped into a taxi cab and rode that day all night.
      [Must have been in the Artic in Summer!]
  • tongue stumblers:
    • Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. A kid'll eat ivy, too. Wouldn't you?
      ...[From] part of a popular nonsense song of 1943 called "Mairzy Doats"--per ASCAP Hit Tunes booklet, written by Milton Drake, Al Hoffman,and Jerry Livingston. The beginning is more or less rendered:
      Mairzy doats and doazy doats, and little lamzi tivy. A kiddely tivy too, Wood'n you?
      - Submitted by Elaine Chubb
    • I thrice thrust a thistle through the thick of my thumb. (A favorite of my Grandfather, who knew the rest of it and rattled it all off well.)
    • One fine day in the middle of the night,
      Two dead men got up to fight.
      One blind man to see fair play,
      One dumb man to shout "Hooray!"
      A lame donkey came galloping by
      and kicked the blind man in the eye. - Submitted by Elaine Chubb

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Daffynitions:

A category that The Washington Post calls "redefinitions".


  • Frisbeetarian, one who believes that when you die tour soul goes up on the roof ans gets stuck.
    - The Houston Chronicle, 1994

  • coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. - The Washington Post - 1998

  • asterisk (v.), to inquire about danger. ibid.

  • esplanade (verb form of the noun), to attempt an explanation while drunk, ibid.

  • negligent (adj.), a condition in which a woman absent-mindedly answers the door in her nightie. ibid.

  • abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. ibid.

  • artery: The study of paintings. Saul Ricklin, 2001

  • bacteria: The back door to a cafeteria. ibid.

  • Cesarian section: A neighborhood in Rome. ibid.

  • dilate: To live long. ibid.

  • nitrates: Cheaper than day rates. ibid.

  • node: Was aware of. ibid.

  • outpatient: Someone who fainted.ibid.

  • postoperative: Letter carrier. ibid.

  • terminal illness: Getting sick at the airport. ibid. or Nausea from too much internet. Don Ricklin, 2001

  • Sarchasm: sär-ˌka-zəm: noun; the gap between someone being ironic and the person who doesn't get the joke. Stolen from Richard at SmugMug

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Janus Words

Then there is the Janus Word
(also called schizophrenic word by Willard R. Espy):

A single word that has two meanings that are opposites:
  • cleave, 1 : adhere to 2 : split apart

  • sanction, 1 : authoritative approval 2 : coercive measure -- usually plural in this sense

  • imposing, 1 : impressive 2 : taking unwarranted advantage -- often used with "on" or "upon"

  • trip, 1 : step lightly 2 : stumble or cause to stumble

  • weather, 1 : expose to the action of weather 2 : endure the action of weather

  • overlook, 1 : observation point 2 : fail to see

  • cavalier, 1 : gay; easy; offhand; frank. 2 : supercilious; haughty; disdainful; curt; brusque.

  • dress, 1 : put clothes (skins and feathers?) on 2 : prepare an animal by taking off the skin or feathers.

  • buckle, 1 : fasten together 2 : fall apart

  • clip, 1: separate (cut) 2 : fasten

  • oversight, 1 : supervision 2 : neglect

  • qualified, 1 : competent 2 : limited

  • sanction, 1 : approve 2 : disapprove

  • temper, 1 : soften 2 : strengthen

  • resign, 1 : give up, quit 2 : sign on again. See Heteronyms

  • left, 1: Gone 2: stayed behind



    Two Submitted by Elaine Chubb:

  • let -- meaning (1) allow and (2) hinder or obstruct (my British passport asks foreign countries to let me pass "without let or hindrance").

  • fast -- meaning (1) speedy and (2) standing still (as in "stand fast") or firmly fixed, unmoving (as in a fast dye).



    Submitted by Steven Cytryn:

  • scan --1. to examine minutely. 2. to glance at hastily.



    From the AWAD of 04/12/04:

  • chuffed, 1: pleased; satisfied 2 : displeased; annoyed

  • tabled, 1: brought forward for discussion (UK) 2: laid aside (US)

  • endsville, 1: Most excellent or the best. 2: Most undesirable; the end.

  • sententious, 1: Full of pithy expressions. 2: Full of pompous moralizing.

  • excrescence, 1: An abnormal outgrowth, e.g. wart. 2: A normal outgrowth, e.g. hair or nail.


A Janus Phrase!

  • make fast, 1: tie up, stop from moving 2: Cause to move fast.

    "I call them fence-sitters. They sit on the fences, ready to say one thing or its opposite, depending on which side they appear. I'm not talking about politicians. These are words, known by many names: autoantonym, antagonym, contranym, enantiodromic, amphibolous, Janus word, and so on.

    Sometimes it's a result of two distinct words evolving into the same form (cleave from Old English cleofian and cleofan) but often a single word develops a split personality and takes on two contradictory senses. All of us have a bit of yin and yang and these words are no exception. The context usually provides a clue to help us understand the right sense in a given place."
    -Anu Garg (A.W.A.D.)


Janus -the Roman god of doorways, often depicted with two faces.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Heteronyms

Heteronyms: Words, unlike Homonyms, that are spelled the same but pronounced differently, with different meanings. At current count I have 42 including one three-way!

For example:
  • lupine, pronounced lu-píne or lu-pin, of, like, or relating to a wolf or wolves or a plant of the pea family, with deeply divided leaves and tall, colorful, tapering spikes of flowers.
  • does, pronounced dós or duz, the plural of a female deer, and the third person singular present tense conjugation of the verb "do".
  • tower. pronounced tow-er or toe-er - pylon, tall structure or one who tows or pulls something.
  • appropriate, pronounced a-pro-pré-et or a-pro-pré-ate - suitable, fitting vs to take without permission, expropriate.
  • lead, pronounced léd or led - Proceed before vs the poisonous heavy metal.
  • read, pronounced réd or red - Both present tense and past
    in one spelling.
  • unionize, pronounced únyun·ized or un·Íonize - Join a union vs take away ions.
  • minute, pronounced min-út or mÍn-úte - 60 seconds vs very small.
  • lived, pronounced liv-d or liv-ed - Life in the past vs red in the face.
  • bow(ed), pronounced bow(ed) or bów(ed) - Done at the waste/prow of boat vs tie(d) in a ribbon.
  • shower, pronounced show·er or shów·er - Like bathing vs one who demonstrates something.
  • sewer, pronouncer soo·wer or só·wer - Where the waste water is vs one who uses needles and pins.
  • tear, pronounced tér or tare - From the eye vs from a rip.
  • router, pronounced router or rooter - machine to mill wood or a horse trained for distance races.
  • bass, pronounced base or bass - as in astring bass(viol) vs a fine tasting fish.
  • Polish, pronounced Pólish or polish - as in one from Poland or what one does after applying wax to one's car.
  • intimate, pronounced in-ti-mit or int-i-mate - meaning close and personal or to suggest imply.
  • row, pronounced rou or rów - a noisy dispute or quarrel vs to propel a boat with oars.
  • coop, pronounced coop or có-op - a place for chickens or alternate spelling for co-op (co-operatrive)
  • present, pronounced pre-zent or pré-zent or pré-sent
    -a gift vs to give something or vs be sent in advance - a three-way Heteronym!
  • close, pronounced clóz or clós - to shut up vs to be near.
  • rebel, pronounced re-bel' or re'bel -to renounce allegiance or subjection vs one who breaks with or opposes constituted authority or the established order.
  • contract, pronounced con-tract or ceun-tract - to have a formal writen relationship vs to tighten, shrink in size.
  • learned, pronounced lurn'd or lurn-ed - having acquired the knowledge vs being one full of knowledge.
  • buffet, pronounce buf-á or buf-et - meal at which people serve themselve vs be hit especially repeatedly.
  • desert, pronounced des-ert or de-sert - dry barren region vs abandon.
  • dove, pronounced duv or dóve - a small wild pigeon vs plunged into water headfirst.
  • entrance, pronounced en-trence or en-trànce - means or place of enter vs fascinate or delight.
  • moped, pronounced móp'd or mó-ped - be sad or listless vs low-powered motorbike[Alternate spelling].
  • wind, pronounced wind or wínd - movement of the air vs have or follow a curving course.
  • wound, pronounced woo-nd or wow-nd - injury in which the skin is broken vs followed a curving course.
  • record, pronounced rec-ord or ré-cord -noun, a note or top score vs to capture sound on a storage device.
  • produce, pronounced pró-duce or pro-dooce, what comes off the farm vs to make, create something.
  • pension, pronounced pen(t)-sh&n or päns-yOn - a fixed sum paid regularly to a person vs accommodations especially at a continental European hotel or boardinghouse.
  • refuse, pronounced re-"fyüs or ri-'fyüz - the worthless or useless part of something : trash, garbage vs to show or express unwillingness to do or comply with.
  • august, pronounced Or-gist or awe-gust - the month of vs exalted.
  • resign, pronounced re-zine or re-sine - give up deliberately vs sign on again See Janus Words.
  • resolve, pronounced re-Zolved or re-solved - determine to do vs solve again.
  • predial, pronounced pre-dial or pré-di-al - to dial on advance vs of or relating to land or its products.
  • project, pronounced pra-ject or pro-ject - noun, a specific plan or design vs verb, to cause to protrude.
  • leading, pronounced léd -ing or led-ing - ahead or font spacing.
  • slaver, pronounced sláver or slaver - a ship that transports Slaves or Saliva dripping from the mouth.
  • axes, pronounced ax-es or ax-és - more tan one axe, hatchet or more than one axis.
  • luger, pronounced with a hard g - a type of gun or with a soft g - one who sleds on a luge.

I keep adding to this list! If you know of any I missed please post a comment.

Answers:
  • ghoti is pronounced: fish, 'gh' as in tough, 'o' as in women and 'ti' as in motion! Attributed to George Bernard Shaw by some. Visit GHOTI for a rant against this "joke" about english pronuciation.
  • Phtholognyrrh pronounced: Turner, According to a Mr. Turner who insisted on signing his name that way according to Robert M. Rennick in I Didn't Catch Your Name, Verbatim® Vol. XXix, No2. Mr Turner explains: " Look, the phth is like phthisic, which is pronounced t; olo is like colonel, which is pronounced ur; gn as in gnat is pronounced n; and yrrh as in myrrh, is pronounced er. So you have Turner. Nothing could be simpler." Reader's Digest, Jan . 1941, p. 42
  • coffee spelled completely incorrectly is kauphy! or kaughy!